hey guys..
thanks for dropping by here every now and then. really appreciate it. this has been a place where i let out all my feelings - anger, happy, joy, sad, everything. its been a pleasure to share this with all of you.
i wont be around for a moment now. blew something up and i think i need some time with myself for now. i hope i can be strong to really go thru all these shit yet again. keep on falling time and time. i think i need a new pair of shoes so that i could walk properly without falling again. it hurts. deeply. trust me. it does.
i hope to see you guys soon, insya-allah. i'll sort things out myself. i'm just feeling very weak now..... pray for me.
I'm gonna live my life
Like everyday's the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast
And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I'm gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I've let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite
There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Gonna look back in vain
And see you standing there
But all that remains is an empty chair
And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now.
- robertson brothers
bapak dropped me off at the bus-stop opposite SJI before sending mak. took 153 to make my way to upper paya lebar road. as the bus passed along toa payoh, i looked around. my homeground has changed alot. the blocks opposite the library have gone. just a large green grass patch was seen. even toa payoh community centre has changed its name to which now i couldnt remember. ahahhaa. toa payoh cc was once a place i went to study for my o levels with my cousin, hana. it was also a place where something happened that changed my life. can still cry if i were to sit down and think abt what happenned. how i wish i could turn back the clock.
then as the bus passed along my old school, beatty sec, all the memories came back again. the bus-stop, the gate, the technical block, the everything abt it. was dreaming away abt the secondary school life back then. good old memories. was still thinking about it till i stopped at the wrong bus-stop. the price for dreaming when you dont know exactly where your stop is. hehhee.
did some work at lor ong lye. stayed there till abt 2.30pm before i made my way to airport. took 24 from there. and more memories came back to me. upper paya lebar road used to be the road that i passed every day some time in 1996/97. and it changed alot too. constructions were everywhere. and some of the buildings there are not recognisable to me anymore. at a point, i dont know where i was. then, the bus passed along another old school of mine, ite macpherson. the old building was not there anymore, and a new, nice and big building has taken over the land. well, its still known as ite macpherson, i reckon. but it's definitely not the building i went to everyday in 1996/97. i miss my friends there. i miss the atmosphere there even tho i don't quite know why i was there in the first place.
then slept all the way through the journey till tanah merah. woken up by a bunch of noisy kindergarten kids. hey, cant u see that i am trying to sleep here?? i felt like saying which of course i didnt. hehhee... *evil*
then the bus passed sia training centre. another memory came along. in 1994, attended a course organised by SIA for students on vacation, to have a taste of a cabin crew life for a week. i was selected to go for the course. it was fun and interesting. enjoyed it to the max. still have the photo of me then at sia training centre. look so selenger and skinny to the bones. muahhahaha. spent about a week or two there.
as the bus approached the airport, the feelings of going away came back to me again. suddenly felt emotional myself. hehehe.. i wont be going away for long anymore. well, at least for now.
how i miss all the good old times. glad that i've decided to ask bapak to drop me at whitley road instead of me having to go ang mo kio early in the morning to take bus 24. it's definitely a walk down memory lane........
my baby
well, my lil baby has grown up. she's in secondary two this year. hhmm.., how time flies. i still think she is just in primary three. hehhee. i know it's a lil extreme, but true, i still think she is a lil girl who still needs her hands to be held when crossing the road. my lil baby, nurhaqimah as she is known, has grown up!! aarrrgghhh
she hated it when i call her baby whenever there's call for her or whenever her friends are around. i just cant help it tho. been calling her that like forever now, so, heck, i'm calling her with whatever names i wanna call. i'm just a mean elder sister. hehhee we are 12yrs apart. i was suppose to be the youngest and the only girl in the family when my parents decided to have another one to make it an even number - 2 boys and 2 girls. but, why did they take so long to decide? i was comfortable of being the youngest one when suddenly this little creature came out. she was tiny tho.
it was the last day of my primary school years - 16th november 1990. went to KK straight after school, only to find out that my mum was already in the operation theater. u see, my mum was over 40 when she gave birth to my sister, and it didnt really help when she got low blood pressure. there were a lot of complications during the birth. my mum was placed in the ICU straight after surgery and was there for abt almost 2 weeks. kesian mak
alhamdulillah, my sister is alrite. thank god for that. she was a beautiful lil gerl, being wrapped in the pink blanket. i didnt get to hold her tho. didnt want to hold her. refused to hold her. hehhee.. oh well, i was just a lil gerl that time.
when she's abt 4yrs
even tho we are 12yrs apart, we are very close i can say. hehhe.. we do argue and she calls me kakak tiri at times or mak tiri most of the time for i can be a very strict disciplinarian. she hated it when i give her the 'dont-mess-with-me' looks. she hated it if i started to use sarcasms in my remarks to her. she hated it when i checked her nails and they are long. she hated it when i inspect her room. she hated it when i force her to show her teeth to me. hehhee
just now, i was lying beside her as she was talking on the phone with her friend and she stinks!! she was in sch the whole day today. reached home at abt 6pm. hhmm... and my goodness, her teeth, hhmm.... you wldnt want to imagine. told her to go to the bathroom with me and i'll brush her teeth. and as usually, she said nopes. pulled her to the living room, and even mak said she stinks! ahahhaa.. mak suggested that i bathe her like a baby, like how i used to do. hehhee. drag her to the bathroom, and, hehhee... i actually bathe her after sooo long. hehhee..it was kinda fun tho.
look how she has grown up...
well, baby, no matter how old u grow, you are still my baby. and i think, i'm gonna call u baby even when you have your own babies. hehhee... i love you, baby.
Goodbye 2003, Welcome 2004
hey hey, the new year is finally here again. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
2003 had been a great year, i could say. just too many things happened and they have taught me a lot about this life. thanks 2003 for being there! it's sad to see you go, but i'm glad that you are leaving as i could look forward for something new and more exciting in 2004.
let me recap what 2003 has been for me.
january
-back in spore for summer holidays
-my aunty was admitted to hospital due to stroke
-SGH was the most frequent place that i can be seen
-bought nokia 6510
-met up with azly for the first time in spore
-went to KL for the first rantauan gathering
-went to jai's first malay album launch in KL
-bought a new computer for home use.
february
-went malacca
-bought a new laptop
-went back to brisbane
-new place in brisbane
-got a new hsemate, soraya
march
-attended the first ever rally in my life - student's rally against war in iraq
-was down with bronchitis
april
-first exam for the semester
-had a 2 nights stay at Hyatt Regency, Coolum, Sunshine Coast - home of australian PGA championship
-eda from melbourne came to brisbane
-mak's 55th bday (read: duit cpf keluar!! hehehe)
may
-my 2nd sis-in-law gave birth to her second child/4th grandchildren in the family, muhammad akif
-public relations campaign submitted
june
-exams
-soraya left for spore
-family came to brisbane
-cuz, dila came to brisbane from perth
july
-started working with international student services
-sheda left for spore
-wak bawi passed away due to tumour
-did hair modelling
august
-involved with the Singapore Fest celebration
-wrote an article for Berita Harian
-RiverFest at Southbank
september
-hana gave birth to fathin hidayah
-knew someone over the net
-did hair modelling yet again
-met up with cik mus and family after sooo long
-went to flower festival at toowoomba
-advertising campaigns production work started
-quarter of century birthday
-went to melbourne by train alone
october
-met up with eda and azly in melbourne
-played with snow at mount buller
-entered studio for production of radio advertisements
-my secondary school friend, hasfizal, came to brisbane with his friends for holiday
-advertising campaign submitted
-2nd puasa away from home
november
-exams
-packing and cleaning the house
-vacated the house
-flgt back to spore
-was accused profusely on the eve of raya
-hari raya in spore with family
december
-mid-life crisis hehehhe
-full-time bummer
-heartbreaks
-weekends full of weddings
-went to KL
-met up with fauzi in KL after quite some time
-my nokia 6510 got snatched upon boarding lrt at klcc
-met up with kak iskandariah from rantauan again after knowing her for the past 2yrs or so.
-rounded up the year with a very late dinner with family at east coast in conjunction with my dad's bday. watched countdown on bus service 31 on the way back to tampines.
well, there's more to it that happened in 2003. will be too much details tho. and the thing is, i dont even know where to start. hehhee.. well, basically, that's what happened in 2003 for me. even tho, the road wasnt always straight, it was a good journey, i mite say. alhamdulillah, i was able to overcome most of the obstacles that hindered me from moving forward.
hope 2004 has a better beginning for me and for all of us. may 2004 filled with love and joy for everyone, insya-allah.