cousins mania
how many cousins can one have? as for me, i know i have heaps of them from both my paternal and maternal side. the rapport among us is just great. every occasion held by the family, most of us will be there. i have abt 36 cousins from my maternal side alone and abt 27 cousins from my paternal side. big, big, big family.
here's to all my cousins out there. miss u guys...
aug 2000 - granddad's 85th birthday at loyang govt. chalet.
one of those rayas at my place, some years ago.
may 2002 - my cousin, hana's wedding.
feb 2003 - arfan's 1st birthday.
dec 2002 - raya at idah's place. and i'm not there!!!
~
missing
been missing my family most ever since i've been here. all alone without the comfort of being able to hug them at any time i wanted to. it's hard, but i guess, i endured, and will still be enduring. ramadhan will be here soon, and i'll miss them even more. sahur and breaking of fast will be enjoyed by everybody on the same table. teh-o will be always on the menu. breaking of fast without teh-o will never be complete. kuihs will also be there to accompany the main dish. weekends in ramadhan mean everybody will be taking turns to host iftar at their place.
wont be home yet again for this ramadhan. i hope i'll be able to cope with it, insya-allah.
mak, bapak, abg ir, abg as, and adik, i miss u guys loads. thank you for everything.
taken a few years back, when both my brothers were still not married.
masjid kampung
every eid, my family and i, will always go to kampung pasiran for our eid prayers. the atmosphere there has always been a wonderful one. almost everybody knows everybody there. it wasnt a big masjid to begin with. and everybody who went there, most of them had lived at kampung pasiran before. well, if you are wondering where is kampung pasiran situated at, it's just behind the Revenue House at Novena. i, for sure remembered that place very well. been following my parents there since i was abt 5yrs old. and will always refuse if my parents suggested to go to another masjid for eid prayers.
the masjid planned to have a refurbishment to accommodate more jemaahs, but in the earlier stage, the funds was never enough. the whole plan was postphoned for abt a few years. then finally, aidiladha 2002 was finally the last day the masjid opened its door to jemaah before it was closed for refurbishment. the whole thing was supposed to be completed in 2 years or so they said.
to my family, eid prayers somewhere else other than masjid pasiran is just different. yeah, i know, kalau nak beribadat, kat mana-mana pon boleh. but, this particular masjid definitely has been close to our hearts. too closed indeed.
and today, i was reading the berita harian and i believed its the news that my family had been waiting for. masjid pasiran is ready to meet the jemaah once again, insya-allah. the article is something i look forward to. alhamdulillah.
i'm no superwoman
done with my ad campaigns assignment. the presentation went well, i reckon. was in uni till abt 11pm yesterday and was back in uni at 9.15am just now. but it's all over. finally. it's hard to please everyone in the group. it's hard even to please myself.
life is about perfection. about winning everything we could. i've always wanna get what i wanna even tho how difficult it could be. well, i believe, it's not easy to be me. and i'm definitely not a superwoman.
superman
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird:I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train and
It's not easy to be me
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd:but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream but
It's not easy to be me
Up, up and away:away from me
It's all right:You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy:or anything:
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
It's not easy to be me.
~
this song has been in my playlist for quite some time now. a mesmerising number from the good old times.
suratan atau kebetulan
Sesuatu yang tak disangka
Seringkali mendatangi kita
Itukah suratan dalam kehidupan
Atau sekadar hanya satu kebetulan
Kita asyik membicarakan
Persoalan hidup dan pilihan
Sedang kejujuran semakin berkurang
Masih tiada bertemu jawapan
Walau kita dihadapkan
Dengan berbagai pilihan
Mengapa sering terjadi
Pilihan tak menepati
Hingga amat menakutkan
Menghadapi masa depan
Seolah telah terhapus
Sebuah kehidupan yang kudus
Pertemuan sekali ini
Bagi diriku amat bererti
Tetapi ku bimbang untuk menyatakan
Bimbang 'kan berulang kesilapan
- kenny, remy and martin -
~
rotten
basically, i had a rotten day today and it's not even the end of the day yet. started the day pretty well actually, but when i reached uni at abt 1030hrs, got to know something and sure it did start to make me lose my mood for the day. i shant elaborate abt this one tho.
then, when noon came, when i was in the middle of compiling the whole campaign together with mel, the creative ppl came to us and gave us the presentation bits. damm, it was bloody long and we, too, had to do the powerpoint presentation for them as we are the production managers. they keep on changing and changing, adding and adding. aarrrgghh.... as mel was reading the plan, i did the editting of the photos for the print ads. mel need to go, so i had to do my bits and pass to her for printing. cant print in uni as they are totally booked. dammit...
when mel went over to the creative ppl at the other side of the lab, i continue with my werk. abt 15mins, mel and amy(creative) came back over, and amy said, "well, the photos shld not be like that.. it shld have this and that included. and oh yeah... can u change the font for the whole posters as well... it just dun look interesting enough." what the hell is she thinking.... at the very last minute she wants to change the whole thing??? and expect me to do it in 5mins as mel had to go off from uni soon. and it was supposed to be sent to the printer by tonite. aarrrgghh... well, fair enough i told amy, i'll do the changes, and if i can email the documents to the printer by tonite, i will do it.
mel left to check with the printer on how fast can the printing to be ready for 2 A2 size posters. and i started with the editing yet again... got sick of this man.... while i was in the middle of editting, suddenly a window pop out, saying that, "the system is restarting in 1min. pls save all files." some shit like that..... there and then i knew, i got that blaster worm thingy or whatever u called that. i managed to click save on whatever documents i can. saved the photos, as that is the most important thing as for now. aarrrggghhh.....
went to the help desk to ask for the site to obtain the patch thingy and to remove all the worm tool or what so ever. it took ages for it to load. dammit. a lot of time wasted there. cant do anything much as everything is saved on to the laptop. then, when it's finally done, check my email as i was waiting for the replies from the other group members, and i got an email from liz (media). not only she has not been attending meetings, (even tho she did her part... she still have to be at the meeting!!), she got the cheek to say that she is not aware that we are collecting funds for this assgmts, and she was wondering where will the funds go. i tell u... when i read that, i nearly blow my top. i was in fact shivering with anger. i was sooo angry that i can kill someone. she thinks everything is for free??? the poster itself cost abt $40 to print each and we are printing 2 of them. and we need to print the whole document too, 2 whole copy of abt 100pages that will cost some money. i received her email back not long after i replied her first email. she said, she is happy to contribute the money, (well, even if she is not happy, she still has to pay!!) but again, she was wondering, $200 is a lil bit alot for everything. (we are collecting abt $20 per person and there's 10 of us in the group). aarrrrgghhh..... why is she sooo dumb??? bimbo. i really cldnt hold my cool when i got the email... cldnt think straight.. felt like shouting... felt like strangling someone.
took my headphones off, and tried to breathe... told myself to cool down... but i simply cant... told the guy rite in front of me to have his eye on my laptop while i go out for a while. did maghrib at the musollah, and i felt a lil better. still sore tho but controlable.
hope the nite will be a better nite for me. and hope thursday's presentation goes on well. and hope i'll have enough time to cover for my first paper in a few days time.
but i still want my mummy..... maakkkkkkk.......naz nak mak!!!!!!
lost. confused. tired. breathless.
feeling really really pissed now. tonnes of stuffs to do and think at the same time. ad campaign have yet to be compiled. the adverts have yet to be printed out. emails have yet to be sent. mind have yet to get it sorted out. aarrrrgghh... dammit dammit dammit. why oh why oh why things have to be this way?
i want my mummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk..................
gone with the wind
*holding a rose and separating the petals *
loves me...
loves me not....
loves me....
loves me not....
i am still wondering.......
cld it be real?
or cld it be just another those sweet talks?
it seems real to me tho.
too good to be real?
hhmm..
well, maybe not.
it's just so hard
to let go of something
so nice.
but do i have
any other choice?
~
lazy bum hits the ceiling
aarrgghhh... been sick of doing my work already. cant stand it anymore!!!! been seeing the ad campaigns assgmt day in day out. ad plan have yet to completed, and its due at 3pm later. i'm a dead rat!! been having migraine for the past couple of days, 'withdrawal syndrome' for the past week (hahahhaa... ok ok.. i made this up!!) and the most importantly the lazy bug has strucked me yet again. i hated it!!! help..........................
8 more days............
~
angel
i am in love with this song by amanda perez.
thanks to freon for guiding me through. love u, gerl. the next time i see u, u'll give me another massage yeah... hehehhe..
well, nice song, and to all of u.... enjoy...
***********
It's been five months
since you went away
Left without a word,
nothing to say(nothin to say)
When I was the one,
who gave you my heart and soul,
but it wasn't good enough for you
No.....
So I asked God
God send me an Angel
from the Heavens above
Send me an Angel to heal my broken heart,
From being in love,
'cause all I dooo...is cry(is cry)
God send me an Angel
to wipe the tears from my eyes
And I know I might sound crazy,
but after all that I still loved you.
You wanna come back in my life,
but now theres something I have to do.
I have to tell the one that I once adored,
that they cant have my love no more,
My heart cant take no more lies,
and my eyes are all out of cries
soooo......God
Now you had me on my knees
Begging God please
to send you back to me
I couldn't eat
I couldn't sleep
You even made me feel like I could not breathe
one night all I wanted to do
was feel your touch
and to give you all of my love
but you took my love for granted
want my lovin now
but you cant have little
God!
Ohhhh God!
Send me an Angel(send me an angel)
An Angel!
Wipe the tears from my eyes
God send me an Angel from the Heavens above
Sent me an Angel(to heal my broken heart)
God send me an Angel
from being in love
send me(an Angel)
ohh God!
send me an Angel
send me(an Angel)
(an Angel)
~
hhmm.... i dunno what i was thinking, but somehow, i found this old piece and decide to share with all. it could be what i'm feeling right now, but on the other hand, it's just another piece.... enjoy the untitled piece....
**********************
i was inspired by how i felt for you
that this is one way of saying it to you.
but the mile road has reached upon the end,
and i see you standing there
with heart, mind and soul waiting for me.
like an angel in the shimmering sun
sayang... missing is a sign
but loving is one thing that can bind
you... me... and the world around us.
~
the important things in life
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.
Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.
If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.
Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say.
Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.
You can make anything you wish of your life. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.
And if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.
Learn a lesson in life each day that you live! Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. Was it worth it?
~
forbidden love
i'm in love. or at least i think i am. but for what i know, it might be a forbidden one. hhmm...
oh well.....
~
got a text msg in the morning, and in the text, it did mention a song to really describe the situation now. it's hard i reckon, but the lyrics say it all.
GOODBYE - Air Supply
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize all you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There`s nothing left to say
But goodbye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way
Than to say
Goodbye
~
was in melbourne on the way to somewhere when this song came on air. reminds me of all the good times in secondary school.
I live my life for you - Firehouse
You know you're everything to me
And I could never see
The two of us apart
And you know I give myself to you
And no matter what you do
I promise you my heart
I've built my world around you and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
I dedicate my life to you
You know that I would die for you
But our love would last forever
And I will always be with you
And there is nothing we can't do
As long as we're together
I just can't live without you and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
I live my life for you
~
not meant to be
we just known each other for only a short while,
and yet, we share something deep.
you came as a stranger in my life,
a stranger that made me comfortable to talk with.
even though it's recent,
all these seem so long.
all those things that we share,
all those little sweet gestures
that never fail to create a smile on my face,
i reckon, have to end.
not that i don't enjoy all those stuffs,
but i simply can't.
it just seems so wrong.
we should start to draw the line
before any of us get hurt.
i don't want to be at the losing end,
coz i know i will, if i were to pursue.
i'm sorry it has to be this way.
some things are just not meant the way it should.
it may be just a little while,
but it was sweet.
you should be where you are needed now.
your support and presence are more important
to someone rather than to me.
it has been a pleasant journey,
thanks for stopping by.
~
caught in the middle
few days ago, i was being asked this question.
do you believe in falling for someone when u are already in love?
my answer was simple, i do believe that it can happen. and i reckon, it happened before. just that, one shld know the limitations when it happen. shld know where to draw the boundaries before it get so bad.
what do u guys think about it?